The Meaning and Traditions of the Vietnamese Family Meal

From past to present, a simple Vietnamese family meal has always carried so many values and so much of the love family members share. Sitting together around the tray of food and swapping stories about everyday life creates a warm atmosphere everyone looks forward to after a long, hard day at work.

For generations, family love has been nurtured by the image of a happy meal prepared every day by the great women of the family: sitting by the stove, fanning away billowing smoke with one hand while the other hurries to cook a hot pot of vegetable soup for everyone. How could any family member ever forget such images? Every dish is a whole world of love brought to us by the women we honour, carrying the generous heart of the cook.

Rice is the core of every Vietnamese meal, so instead of simply saying "a meal", Vietnamese people habitually use the familiar phrase "bữa cơm" – literally "a rice meal" – which sounds so warm. Alongside the bowls of white rice there are humble plates of boiled or stir-fried vegetables and a pot of savoury caramelised pork dip, fresh off the stove, that has won millions of hearts across the country. Vietnamese people are thrifty by nature, so everyday meals usually include little meat, but for the traditional Lunar New Year or the anniversaries of grandparents' deaths, they lay out lavish spreads to honour their grandparents and the parents who brought them into the world and raised them.

Why is the Vietnamese "meal tray" round?

Many people say the round tray symbolises the Sun or the Moon so often mentioned in folk tales. That is not wrong, but the deeper meaning of the round tray is the bond between everyone at the meal: sitting around it, family members can look into each other's eyes and easily share the stir-fried greens or slices of boiled pork dipped in fish sauce that Mum has made with all her love.

Chopsticks play an especially important role in Vietnamese meals. From an early age, our parents teach us to hold them properly so we don't drop our food. Those first attempts with chopsticks, the curiosity about these long, pointed utensils, the admiration at how skilfully our grandparents, parents and older siblings used them – every innocent childhood memory of chopsticks still makes us smile.

Traditional Vietnamese families bring many generations together under one roof. Most households have two or three generations, but today many families still have as many as four. It is a sight many admire: all the members living together, sharing daily life and watching each other grow up day by day.

The deliciousness of each meal lies in the family gathering together, not in the number of dishes on the tray or how fine the food happens to be that day.

Where each family member sits is also a tradition of the Vietnamese meal. Respecting the order of elders and juniors is part of the culture. The elderly and the head of the family always sit at the head of the tray, in a central position from which they can keep an eye on everyone else. As the old saying goes, "ăn trông nồi, ngồi trông hướng" – when you eat, watch the pot; when you sit, mind your place – meaning you should be considerate at the table. The dishes are only perfectly laid out when everyone at the meal can reach them easily. That is how it is for family members, and guests are welcomed even more warmly: the hosts look after them attentively and give them the places of honour, reflecting the hospitality of the Vietnamese people.

"Mời cơm" – "please, eat" – is what everyone says around the tray before picking up their chopsticks. Before lifting your bowl and starting to eat, inviting your parents and elders with those two words shows deep mutual respect. The order of invitations follows the ages of those at the table: the youngest must invite grandparents, parents, uncles and aunts in turn to start eating. Only when the eldest has picked up their bowl and chopsticks do the other family members lift their bowls and enjoy the meal.

However ancient the "meal tray" culture may be, the refinement and humanity it brings remain intact in the hearts of family members.

The Vietnamese family meal today

"Modern" is the word that has replaced the "traditional" of the past. One- and two-generation households are gradually taking the place of the multi-generational families of old. With these changes, everyday meals have become much duller; the joyful atmosphere is missing and much of the care and attention has been lost.

Life is always busy, and racing against the clock every day means people no longer bring the same spirit to the table as they once did. There are office lunches and quick, perfunctory greetings, and heart-to-heart conversations between family members have become rare. All of this has eroded the beauty of the family meal that our grandparents passed down.

There is no denying that some young people today "hate family meals" because they feel forced into them: eating with their parents means no phone, missing a game with friends, no chatting online with their best friend... The selfishness of technology has gradually taken away the spirit of the traditional family meal.

Today, many families still keep up the tradition of the shared "meal tray", and that is a heartening sign for the nation. A meal is most complete when we put our love into it. If we cherish and love our family members every day, sitting together at the table for just 30 minutes is a very simple thing to do. Always treasure your family: they are the people who will always wait for you, love you and never betray you.

Source: compiled